Every lab has one person who keeps the jokes going. They are the reason the 7 a.m. time point is survivable, and they are usually the one wearing the shirt. Most of our designs started as a joke someone made at the bench, so we asked the Lab (that's you) which ones still get a laugh after the hundredth telling. Here they are, by field, with the tees they turned into.
Chemistry jokes
"Can I lick it?" Every chemist's first instinct and last mistake. The periodic table version is our most-searched design and the one people photograph in the wild. Can I Lick It puts the question where it belongs: on a periodic table, in big type, so the safety officer can see it from across the room.
"I wear this shirt periodically." The oldest periodic table pun in the book, and still the one that makes a chemistry teacher grin. We make it two ways: a classic version and a bolder one.
"Ah! The element of surprise." A little box with the symbol Ah. The joke is in the pause. Ah! The Element of Surprise is the chemistry shirt for the person who likes their humor dry.
"Chemists have all the solutions." They do, and they will tell you. Chemists Have All The Solutions is the one chemistry grads get from their parents, and secretly love.
Physics jokes
Schrödinger's cat is alive. Schrödinger's cat is dead. Physicists have been making this joke since 1935 and have no plans to stop. Schrödinger's Cat keeps it minimal: box, cat, both outcomes.
"We don't talk about Pluto." It was a planet. Then it wasn't. Some people have moved on. We Don't Talk About Pluto is for the ones who have not, and Pluto, Never Forget is for the ones who hold a grudge.
"Relatively unserious." Einstein had a sense of humor and so does everyone who studies him. Relatively Unserious is the physics shirt that doubles as a personality disclaimer.
"Gravity? Who cares!" An astronaut, mid-float. Gravity? Who Cares! is the space shirt for kids of all ages, including the ones with PhDs.
Biology jokes
"What doesn't kill you mutates." The evolutionary biologist's version of a motivational poster, and one of our three best-selling designs ever. What Doesn't Kill You Mutates.
"Bacteria: the only culture some people have." A microbiology pun with a point of view. Bacteria, The Only Culture Some People Have.
"You can't B. cereus." Bacillus cereus, for the micro people. If you have to explain it, it's not for you, and that is exactly why micro people love it. You Can't B. Cereus.
"You're the antigen to my antibody." The biology valentine. Specific binding, high affinity. You're the Antigen to My Antibody.
Lab life jokes
"Pipette. Cry. Repeat." The honest protocol. Pipette Cry Repeat is the shirt grad students buy for each other in week six.
"There are two types of people in the lab." The ones who label their tubes and the ones who ask what's in yours. There Are Two Types of People in the Lab.
"The lab martini." Shaken, not stirred, in a 50 mL conical. The Lab Martini is the Friday shirt.
"Midnight lab shift." Not a joke so much as a confession. Midnight Lab Shift is for the people who know what the building sounds like at 2 a.m.
Academia jokes
"Reviewer 2 gave it two stars." Every scientist has a Reviewer 2 story. Reviewer 2 Star Review is the shirt to wear at a conference, where strangers will make knowing eye contact with you across the poster hall.
"Publish and/or perish." The slash is doing a lot of work. Publish and/or Perish.
"Girls just wanna have funding." The joke that built this brand. It started as a pun on a song and turned into a small anthem for every scientist who has written a grant at midnight. Girls Just Wanna Have Funding is one of our two best-selling designs ever, and the one we are proudest of. There is also a Research Edition and versions for cancer, medical, clinical and rare disease research.
"I didn't quit my PhD today." Small victories. I Didn't Quit My PhD Today is the shirt to give in year three.
Why these jokes work on a shirt
The best lab jokes have two audiences. The scientist gets the whole thing instantly. Everyone else gets enough of it to smile and ask. That is also what makes them good gifts: a parent, partner or friend can hand one over and say "I don't fully get it, but I know you will," which is often the most loving thing a gift can say.
If you are buying for someone and want the field sorted out for you, start with our gifts for scientists guide. If you are buying for yourself, you already know which one made you laugh. That's the one.
Got a better joke? Send it to us. The Lab takes requests, and more than one of these started as an email.